PERRY DEVISES PLAN TO FIGHT "POLITICAL" INDICTMENT

By R. U. Syryous
BPI Correspondent

"We're gonna kick Travis County clean outta the state of Texas, that oughta show
'em they can't mess with me," indicted Texas Gov. Rick Perry said this morning.

   Texas Gov. Rick Perry has devised a plan to fight what he says is a "politically based" indictment handed down against him Friday by a Travis County Grand Jury.
   "I've spoke to my legal team and we've decided we ain't gonna let 'em git away with this. So, my lawyers have come up with what they see as a fool-proof plan -- meaning even I can't screw it up -- to fight this politically motivated indictment," Perry said this morning.
   "It's kinda inspired by the plans I used to have, before I decided that I want to to be president, to git Texas to secede from the Union, but with what my lawyers say is an ingenious -- or was that ungenious -- twist," said Perry, who is Texas' first sitting governor to be indicted in nearly a century and the first indicted former Texas A&M cheerleader in anyone's memory.
   Perry said the plan involves him calling an immediate special session of the legislature, during which the only piece of legislation to be introduced will be a bill that would "expel Travis County from the state of Texas, forcing it to become its own, much smaller state," Perry said.
   "Once we've done that, my lawyers will fight extradition. And we sure oughta be able to steamroll the new teeny, tiny state of Travis," Perry boasted.
   "Heck, who needs Travis County anyways. It's loaded with liberals and commies and people who don't like guns and who support un-American, un-Christian things like equal rights, same-sex marriage and marijuana. It's a blight on the face of Texas," Perry said.
   When he was reminded that Austin, the state capital, is in Travis County, Perry said, "yeah, well, we gotta plan for that, too."
   During the special session, my fellow Republicans will also approve a bill that will move the state capital to Jasper where they love guns and pickup trucks and are good Christians who understand the need for political corruption and know how to deal with minorities and illegal immigrants." In Jasper in 1998, Jame Byrd Jr., an African-American, was dragged to death behind a pickup truck.