CONGRESSIONAL GOP CALLS FOR AIRSTRIKES TO QUELL VIOLENCE

By R.U. Syryous
BPI Correspondent

   WASHINGTON -- Congressional Republicans today accused President Barack Obama of again embarrassing the United States on the world stage by failing to show the nation's resolve to combat violence wherever it occurs.
   "Airstrikes are the answer to violence, we know that. It's been proven time and time again," said Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., who still hasn't gotten over being trounced as the GOP presidential candidate in 2008. "There is nothing that delivers our message of peace like bombing the crap out of those who resort to violence."
   McCain, a former Navy pilot who was shot down and surrendered in Vietnam, pointed out that he has previously called for airstrikes in Libya, in Syria, in Iran and in Iraq.
   "I'm a great believer in airstrikes, as long as I'm not the one who has to fly the missions, and I think I speak for all of my fellow Republicans in Congress when I say that a couple of big bombs from above will usually do the trick," McCain said.
  "Whenever I see violence anywhere in the world my immediate thought is airstrikes and there is violence going on right now that our weak, so-called president is allowing to continue without using the best remedy he has at hand," McCain said.
   "When violence broke out in Libya, in Syria and in Iraq, I said we must counter it with airstrikes. Well, it's well past time to call in airstrikes to end the continuing violence in Ferguson, Mo.," McCain said, adding that if he did not call for airstrikes in this instance it would be "the most hypocritical thing I've done since promising in my concession speech to support President Obama as much a possible and calling on my fellow Republicans in Congress to do the same."
   When called on for comment, House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, wiped away a tear and would say only, "I'll drink to that."
   Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., was even more cautious saying  only that before he could answer he would like to consult with the Koch brothers to see what then wanted him to do.
   Kentucky's junior senator, 2016 Republican presidential hopeful Rand Paul, took the Libertarian point of view.
   "As a Libertarian, I think people should be able to do whatever they want to do as long as it doesn't keep someone else from doing what they want to do. So, if John McCain wants to call in airstrikes on Ferguson, he should be able call in airstrike on Ferguson so long as it doesn't harm anyone else and as long as we don't have use the people's money to make infrastructure repairs and raise taxes afterward," Paul said.
   Republican political strategist Karl Rove said "there is, as always, an upside and a downside, for his party in supporting airstrikes to quell the violence in Ferguson."
   "The upside, of course, is that it would really energize our base. I mean, the Ku Klux Klan, for instance, would be positively ecstatic," Rove said.
   "The downside is that it could cost us votes from the African-American community, particularly, I guess, in what would be left of their neighborhoods in Ferguson. But, what the hell, those people don't vote for us anyway."