Obama triple-dog dares House Republicans

President Barack Obama triple-dog dares Congressional Republicans to impeach.

By R.U. SYRYOUS

BPI Correspondent

   WASHINGTON (BPI) -- It's already peach season in Georgia, but impeach season may still be weeks away on Capitol Hill.

   Many Republican House of Representatives members are just itching to start impeachment proceeding against President Barack Obama but apparently are still waiting for something big that poses as an at least  quasi-valid reason to attempt to unseat the nation's chief executive.

   And Obama says he is about to toss them a bone.

  Sources close to the president said that if Congress doesn't do something on immigration reform by the end of the summer, Obama likely will take significant action on his own.

   "The president told me that he not only double-dog dares House Republicans to impeach him, but he's going straight for the dreaded triple-dog dare and hopes they all get their tongues stuck to a frozen metal pipe," the source said.

  The impeachment hornets' nest was kicked over when House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, threatened to sue the president for alleged abuse of power, a contention that caught real progressives and liberals by surprise since they don't think Obama has been nearly abusive enough.

  Meanwhile, Boehner -- who has only agreed with the president on those rare occasions when he's had one to few Martinis at lunch -- said he does not favor impeachment, contending that the process would likely require the House to cancel far too many vacation days.

  A source close to Boehner insisted that the whole suit threat is really the result of a misunderstanding anyway.

  "What the speakers actually said, after a night out on the town, was that he wanted to "shoo" Obama. You know, like make him just go away. But when he said it, a bunch of the Tea Party Republicans assumed he was hung over again and just slurring his words and they took the "sue Obama" idea and just ran with it like a bunch of weasels trying to have sex with a football," the source said.

  Upset that Boehner is trying to distance himself from the call for impeachment, Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, said he may try to unseat the speaker and have himself chosen as the successor.

  When he was informed that a senator can't be speaker of the house, Cruz threw himself on the floor and began holding his breath, kicking his heels and pounding his fists, but stopped when his face started turning blue which he feared might cause a group of elderly tourists -- who apparently didn't know who he was and had  stopped to watch -- to suspect he was a Democrat.

  "See, that's what's wrong with our government," the freshman senator said, after clamming down enough to talk. "All these rules and regulations keep making it impossible for me to do what I want to do....errr, I mean what the country needs done."